Asperger's Syndrome and Fetish by BLUFOfficer

Image by Joshi 

Asperger's Syndrome and Fetish by BLUFOfficer

Over the years I’ve earned respect from various people because I spend a lot of time and energy, ensuring each military uniform I wear is 100% correct. To some guys this may sound like an individual who is very fussy and pedantic. To those who know me personally and through reading this article, will know there is reason to this behaviour. The reason is because I have Asperger’s syndrome.

To those who are unaware, Asperger’s syndrome is part of the Autism Spectrum Disorder. It is a developmental disorder and CANNOT be cured. I have to emphasise that it cannot be cured as I have had to deal with people ignorant to this fact in my adult years. People with Aspergers can have a difficult time relating to others socially and like to have a routine. Things such as big change can cause deep stress and anxiety thus affecting their mental health. Another trait of asperger’s/autism is that people with this diagnosis can find comforts or attachments to specific objects. For me, mine is my mobile phone. 

In recent years, I have realised how much my diagnosis plays a part in my journey in the world of fetish. 

Routine. 

I have found even the most minor things such as ensuring I have the correct measurement for a piece of gear can be related to my diagnosis. I will check the measurements several times to make sure it is correct. This in fact is what prevented me from doing a Wesco boot order several years ago. Travel wise, a cancellation of a bus or train can knock me about and cause me deep stress if I don’t know what I am doing in a new place. 

Before 2013 I was pretty much a hermit fetishist you could say!! I used to stay at home and have nothing to do with the fetish scene. This was down to me being anxious and worried about what would people think of me and how would they view my behaviour. 

In April 2013, I decided that I would have a weekend with a guy down in London. Whilst to some this may only take a few hours to sort, this for me required planning several weeks ahead. One thing I always do whilst I’m messaging with a guy is tell them I have Aspergers. I found it vital as the last thing I would want is for them to witness a scene if something went wrong. Once I got there I found I was very nervous but my host kept me calm and relaxed throughout my weekend. Once he did that my worries evaporated almost immediately. 

A few months later I decided that I would do Manchester Pride 2013 and again I stayed with two great hosts. The only problem I found was that whilst I enjoyed being out and about in the Village, as time went on I felt the noise and surroundings were getting too much for me. Unfortunately, I could not simply walk away. I would have to wait for my hosts to decide that they had finished. This is why in more recent years I have booked myself into hotels as when I have had enough of the surroundings and noise, I can retire to a quiet place and chill. 

Social wise... 

To those who have never met me whether it’s public or online, I may seem unapproachable. If online in photos I rarely smile which some may describe as me being a miserable bastard!! This is quite the opposite. The same goes for me in public; I can be very quiet and not do much chatter at first. This is not me being rude but more me getting a picture of my surroundings and the people who are in it. If I am with people who I know I am very much open and talkative... hell sometimes you wonder why I need a ballgag in my mouth!! If I am not with people I know then I can be very quiet and reserved. Once I feel confident I will start to talk more. 

My mobile phone can keep me calm and reassured when I am with people or in a new location that I do not know that well. To some people this can be perceived as rude or ignorant behaviour when in fact it is me coping with the surroundings. I feel I need to also apologise as I have had situations where I have been on video chats and I have gotten so stressed out by what is happening that I have just switched off the chat and not spoken to people for a longtime. It was never meant to offend. 

In my adult years I have realised that there are positives to having Aspergers. As said earlier one of these ways is though my building of my uniform collection. If I am going to wear a uniform then the uniform MUST be perfect. No ifs or buts. Until that uniform is correct than I will not wear it. 

Sometimes I have surprised myself by being spontaneous and out of character. When this happens, I do not see it as a negative but a positive thing. I do not let my diagnosis control my life and I never will. For many years, I have been anxious about visiting Berlin for their Easter event and the event in September. Over the last few days I have decided that next year I will hopefully visit Berlin for both events. This will be a challenge and push me right out of my comfort zones but I want to do it. 

A piece of advice I will give is if you feel some of the traits I have mentioned ring a bell with you, then I recommend you get a diagnosis from a doctor or psychologist. I was lucky that I was diagnosed when I was very young and it’s because of this I have been able to live my life as best as I can and continue to surprise myself, family and friends. Interestingly when speaking to others about my diagnosis, it makes them think whether they should get a diagnosis. 

Lastly, I want to thank the many amazing people who I have met on my fetish journey. You have helped me become the fetishist that I am and have been there with me when I have been stressed or nervous. I look forward to continuing in my fetish journey.

BLUFOfficer